I'm childish yet mature

I was blog walking among my classmates blogs and I came across a line that made me think. Something along the lines of, maturity is what a person experiences not the number of birthdays passed. I know almost everyone thinks that I've a mind of a rather young and child-like girl and I liked to think that I actually never grew up. But then again there was so much emotional growth and love and hate that maybe, just maybe I'm just trying to shield my heart from further heartache with a facade. I realised that not many kids my age went through the kind of childhood I did. I had no sibling that I could talk to and share my sorrows with, even when my sister came around; she's just a mere baby then but a bundle of joy anyway. She definitely did not take the path that I did. Thankfully. I loved my childhood but at the same time, I hate it. So much drama. I thought secondary school would be riddled with intense drama but it's just mundane like now. I'm now stuck in yet another constricted box that I can't seem to escape from. I cry myself to sleep sometimes, thinking about things that I regret doing or not doing, things that I could have done better. Over-thinking, another fatal weakness of mine.

Maybe next time, I'll face people I've yet to meet with my mature side. And I hope they are strong enough to take it.




I run from reality because I know I'll always be within its grasp.

Me and my insecurities AGAIN

Gah. I haven't been doing much writing lately or any writing at all. I feel so weird and all. Like there's something gnawing inside of me scraping and screaming to get out. Yet again I feel that my other blog is too exposed and I really feel that I should never write anything personal there. Seriously, it's one of my worst nightmares. To have me put my innermost thoughts up on a very public site is just OMG no.

I'm really scared for my CA10s. There's just so much to do and so little time and creativity left! Just a few days ago I was telling Jazzy about how our lecturers wring us dry till not even a drop of creative juice is left for school (not the nonsense stuff we do for the net — that will never run dry). I really want to start on this idea I have for a SasuSaku fanfic and tie up some loose ends for the older ones but with this many CAs I think they'll have to wait till the official holidays are here. I see everyone spilling out their heart contents into their blog but I just can't. I'm sorry. I do trust people but I really need this little reservation to keep myself sane.

Uniqlo promoting NaruSaku? Please no.

Uniqlo launched its limited Naruto T-shirts all which will cost me a bomb plus I think they don't sell them anymore. Nuuuuuuuuu! I watched the clip that is included in the Limited Uniqlo Naruto DVD and it was epic! I loved it till they show Sakura leaning over a badly injured Naruto and crying, obviously after an epic fight with Sasuke. NO! Why is this happening? 

And this art above is official art from Kishimoto-sensei to promote the T-shirts! I don't know what Kishi is planning but if Sasuke does come back and all I hope Sakura still remembers her feelings. 

I hate myself for thinking that if NaruSaku happens I won't mind cuz Naruto is a great guy and he deserves everything great to happen to him. 

I love Naruto. 

I love Sasuke. 

I love EVERYONE! 

But I really REALLY want SasuSaku to be canon. Anyway, the interview did state that Sakura really loves Sasuke. Besides in my opinion, Sasuke won't die but he won't stay and he'll live his life as a wandering ninja. Cool huh? Then Sakura can follow him or sth. But he won't allow it and th- Gah! I don't know what I'm talking about! 

Some of the AWESOME T-shirts:

hatemyselfhatemyselfhatemyself

I WANT MEET & GREET PASSES!!!

OMGOMG! THERE'S A CONTEST TO WIN TAYLOR CONCERT TICKETS, MEET & GREET PASSES AND CD HAMPERS! But you'll have to post a vid, get chosen and perform at 'SCAPE! ANYONE WANTS TO DO THIS WITH ME?!?!?! I NEED A GUITARIST AND A HARMONIST!

I love taylorconnect and Happy New Year.

Happy New Year people!

Like OH. MY. GAWD.

Okay, I was pretty psyched when the official Taylor store had the option to ship internationally so people way out of US can get their little hands on some Taylor merch without bidding on ebay or something but…

Order Total	USPS USA	International
$0.00 - $19.99	$5.00	$30.00
$20.00 - $39.99	$7.00	$40.00
$40.00 - $59.99	$9.00	$50.00
$60.00 - $79.99	$11.00	$60.00
80.00+	$14.00	$70.00

LOOK AT THE FRIGGIN' SHIPPING PRICE!

No thanks, I'll just grab whatever I'll get my hands on 9th Feburary. 

I shall bring my entire life-savings there. 

But then again, you never know cuz when the "MUST-BUY-TAYLOR-MERCH-NAO" feeling comes…I might just go nuts.

Had my eye on this since FOREVER.

JAZZY's A GRAMMAR NAZI!

I saw this on tumblr and I immediately thought of JAZZY!

LOOOOL

I've NOT been blogging AGAIN cuz iwasbusywithcasandmostlyontumblr. 

Heh. 

I'm getting the camera to shoot this Friday with the condenser mic!

I have the idea but I'm not sure whether somethings might work out or not cuz idunnohowtousefinalcutproandmrfredneverteachushowtomakeexplosions.

I WANT MORE HOLIDAYS!

We'll glow at the concert, literally.

Today on the train home with Pearl, we were discussing about what we should do to stand out from the other fans so that we can get picked to attend the T-Party (where selected fans get together and meet Taylor). We already have glow sticks in mind and we're planning to adorn ourselves in handmade glow bracelets and necklaces! And hairbands with glow in the dark heart shape things sticking out of them! We could get black T-shirts and paint "T" and "S" on each of them and wear them during the concert too! I'm so excited and I can't wait!!! 

Tearing me hair out

I've saved over a thousand pics in a day. I'm gonna die sorting my pics cuz I found out that a bunch of them are not in the right folder and I discovered an even better way of sorting them! Gah! 

And the only folder that is very in place is my onionheads folder.

SHAM!

Happy 21st Birthday TAYLOR!

Happy 21st birthday!

She broke records and made a difference in this world!

Taylor Alison Swift

Stay FEARLESS!

Ribbons and bows

20 more days till Chrismas! >.<

Curly ribbons!

One of those cards

Rather than not posting anything I thought I'll post another card picture that I made here. XD

Love the ribbon details. 

How is it that things will change?

Holidays are coming! YEAH! 3 weeks! But then again CAs are piling up, maybe this time it's slower but it's still THE CAs. Gah. I was thinking of getting a job during the holidays and earning extra money for the preparation to spend like crazy on Taylor merch.

One can never have too many LOVELOVELOVE bracelets. You can wear 10 on one arm and 10 on the other, no probs. I'm really looks forward to that. HEHE. Maybe I can find some lax job that with flexible timings so that I can do my projects and have some "me" time.

I bought Sims 3 Late Night today. Don't know whether it's on impulse or not cuz I kinda planned to purchase it and even have a rough idea what to create.

Oh! I just received a call asking for payment for the TaySwift fanclub T-shirt. Seriously, I don't know what I was thinking about when I ordered it. It's ORANGE. O-R-A-N-G-E! GAH! Anyway, I'll just erm wear some cardigan over that. WHY WOULD ANYONE PICK ORANGE? NO ONE LOOKS GOOD IN ORANGE. Jeez! I chose black but those Swifties have no idea…orange pffft. I like orange BUT not bright, construction workers, Naruto jumpsuit orange!

Okay, dinner's here! All the misery above are mostly self-inflicted. As usual.

Thankful For Swift

Taylor and her bestie, Abigail!

NBC had a thanksgiving special on Taylor. Her lives are really awesome TTM! XD

All the clips of the special have these little sections that tells us how the song she performed came. So cool right?  

Story Of Us

Haunted

Mean

Enchanted

Back To December

And of course Long Live

YAY FOR COUNTRY!

BMI! Country song writer of the year!

CMAs (Country Music Award) ended but Taylor didn't win anything. Miranda Lambert got most of the awards and I'm not upset about that cuz Miranda is a great country artist whom I also adore (not as mush as Taylor though >.<). Lady Antebellum won the best vocal group and single of the year. They are THAT good, seriously. I LOVE THEM ALL! 

Hehe. I'm supposed to be in the midst of studying for tomorrow's VPPP test but I'm just totally bored out of my wits to go on without a 'mini' break here and there. XD

Argh! Can the person who borrow Lost season 1 volume 2 RETURN the DVD so I can continue watching in chronological order?! 

Speak Now is too 'new' to be considered into the CMAs this year but who knows, next year it's Taylor's year. She'll have 4-5 awards in her arms again in no time :P

Bring on all the pretenders, I'm not afraid

Being lazy to even log in to post something is a very absurd reason to not post anything at all. But it's really frustrating that the 'Remember me' thing doesn't work at times and I have to sign in manually all over again each time. 

I'll be bulldozing about Taylor again! HEHE.

YAY! So I got the album, found out that I've been cheated but heck care I feel great and I had the album on loop for the longest time (it still is)! I like it how each album surpasses the previous ones in every way and Speak Now is an album that every song on it can be made into a single and people would fight dragons to get their hands on it. XD

My favourite song on this album has got to be Long Live. It's a song that she wrote for her band and everyone who is in this together. Long Live all the magic we made! 

Taylor's story behind Long Live:

"Long Live," (in parentheses "We Will Be Remembered"), is the first song where I've ever had parentheses in the title. Besides that, though, this song is about my band, and my producer, and all the people who have helped us build this brick by brick. The fans, the people who I feel that we are all in this together, this song talks about the triumphant moments that we've had in the last two years. We've had times where we just jump up and down, and dance like we don't care how we're dancing, and just scream at the top of our lungs, "How is this happening?" And, I feel very lucky to even have had one of those moments, nonetheless all the ones that I got to have.

"Long Live" is about how I feel reflecting on it. This song for me is like looking at a photo album of all the award shows, and all the stadium shows, and all the hands in the air in the crowd. It's sort of the first love song that I've written to my team. 

(Purple because that's her favourite colour!)

Long Live 

I said remember this moment
In the back of my mind
The time we stood with our shaking hands
The crowds in stands went wild
We were the kings and the queens
And they read off our names
The night you danced like you knew our lives would never be the same
You held your head like a hero on a history book page
It was the end of a decade
But the start of an age
Long live the walls we crashed through
How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming long live all the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders
One day we will be remembered

I said remember this feeling
I pass the pictures around
Of all the years that we stood there on the sidelines
Wishing for right now
We are the kings and the queens
You traded your baseball cap for a crown
When they gave us our trophies
And we held them up for our town
And the cynics were outraged
Screaming this is absurd
Cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world

Long live the walls we crashed through
How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming long live all the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders
I'm not afraid
Long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you
I was screaming long live that look on your face
And bring on all the pretenders
One day we will be remembered

Hold on to spinning around
Confetti falls to the ground
May these memories break our fall

Will you take a moment, promise me this
That you'll stand by me forever
But if God forbid fate should step in
And force us into a goodbye
If you have children someday
When they point to the pictures
Please tell them my name
Tell them how the crowds went wild
Tell them how I hope they shine

Long live the walls we crashed through
I had the time of my life with you

Long long live the walls we crashed through
How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
And I was screaming long live
All the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders, I'm not afraid
Singing long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you
And long long live the look on your face
And bring on all the pretenders
One day we will be remembered

At the end of our years together, you'll know everything about Taylor.

REpost. HAHA!

SIG!

LOVE! 

No, nothing's stoping me now.

Before everything I just wanna say, I DO love my parents. They moulded me into the way I am, whether I hate it or not. But sometimes, everything just falls.

Hey. Don't blame me for thinking that other people's parents are better than mine. The not-letting-me-hang-out-with-friends is one thing but promising me something and going back on it is a whole new situation all together. My eyes are swollen and my jaws ache from me trying to stop them from shaking.
I already told them before that I'm going to the concert and all AND they even offered to pay more than half of the price for me.

And then just today I told them that the discount was no more and I need to pay the full $178 this monday and they just bite back at me saying oh no you didn't tell us about that and we are NOT paying. They even accuse that my friend might be cheating me. WTH! And then they went on about how why I'm not buying the cheapest ticket or just don't go. Of course I told them that it's Taylor! I can't NOT go! You can blame me for being a spoilt brat but PLEASE don't go saying Taylor made me rebel and all. NO! SHE CHANGED MY LIFE AND IT'S NOT LIKE I'M WATCHING TAYLOR LIVES EVERY MONTH! Then the rant about how they are the ones bringing the money in and I shouldn't spend their money like it's free or what came upon me.

The thing is, I don't ask my parents for extra money or such. Everything that feeds my wants are all paid by me saving my pocket money cent by cent and purchasing them myself. I even told them that I don't need Christmas or birthday presents for that ticket but heck, they told me that they can just don't buy anything. Telling me that I should not buy storybooks and "useless things" and suggesting that they should cut my money so that I've just enough to buy food. Seriously, is it just my parents?

Another thing is threatening to throw away my computer cuz I'm not spending enough time with them in the living room (hello, we spend the whole weekends together all the time?) and blaming the internet for teaching me to stand up against them. I know they expect me to be that girl who just do EVERYTHING her parents say. But I'm growing up aren't I? AND telling me that I can quit poly cuz it's changing me. People change. From child to teen. If they can't accept this, then how am I to become an adult.

Sometimes, I wonder if they're really want me to live with no computer, no storybooks, no music and just do house chores all day as though I'm just a daughter with no likes and wants just some child that they feed and send to school.

What hurts me most is that, it's MY parents that are holding my passion and dreams back. Not anyone else. I would think that parents are supportive are there for you on your worst days but hell no. Not for me.

Too much protection just makes me want freedom more.

Don't break me too much, I might not be able to pick those pieces up again.

Don't worry Jazzy. I'm paying for the tickets and going to see Taylor even if it kills me.

I wanna see Taylor, BAD

I really REALLY want the tickets. Why is the world so unfair to goon doo people like me? And that fan-base priority thing blah! It's just nonsense and anyone can just book tickets in advance. And now that I've missed it, I need an OCBC card to book. If not, I'll have to wait till 8 Nov which most probably no tickets are left—I would even buy the crappy tickets, seriously.